Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Fire Breath.
Great, yeah, Donnie lets loose his Fire Breath and narrowly missing Thaddeus.
It's like, ooh, spicy.
And the hedges catch fire.
Would I be able to Lightning Breath?
A very slight singe appears on these beautiful flowers.
And it is the flowers?
Thaddeus takes eight piercing damage and until he's cured, his hit point maximum is reduced.
Don't fail your rolls, guys.
I'm going to keep going at that one and attack it two more times.
You strike into this plant multiple times and you're like, these plants can take a beating.
It's Flamikinskin's turn.
She's like, maybe, maybe the pearl is what we need.
Maybe if we just hit the same one until it fucking dies.
I was so inspired by Flamikinskin's idea.
So I guess I'm doing like vaulting over them with flips with my sword on fire.
And I probably just like drive it in.
You stab in and this flower goes up in flames and the pearl falls from it down onto the ground.
Okay, I pick it up.
And you all kind of cluster together and make it back out and into the sundial room.
If she's out for 12 hours, will she come back to her Jade Serpentine form with me?
Or is she just going to fall from the sky?
She turns into from the Jade Serpentine form.
So the Jade Serpentine form lands wherever she lands.
My God, you guys are on a clock.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
We're a D&D fifth edition actual play podcast and I'm your dungeon master Russ More.
And with me today is Amy More.
Oh, yeah, I am.
I've got Rum and I play Thea Amastasia.
This is a good combination.
We'll see.
Also with us, Carla Johnson.
Hey, I play Nulara Moonbrook.
Oh, sorry, we were doing drinks.
I have water and I play Nulara Moonbrook.
So I'm the lame one.
I had to make the lame noise.
And Tom Laird.
Oh, yeah, I've got Ginger Ale and I play Flynn Firebeard.
We have a good assortment of drinks tonight.
It's good.
It's really good.
Don't know where to go.
Well, I mean, we used to talk about snacks a lot.
It's true.
But now I don't think any of us eat while we're doing this.
Oh, no.
Yeah, I try to curb the eating.
Russ makes faces.
Tom starts with pudding.
Russ sends death threats.
So you do that these days.
Yeah.
Not to you guys, because I can edit out your shit.
Just Amy.
So unless you have like a solidarity pact on snacks, then.
Which we should have.
I think we do.
You know how sad I would be looking over watching Carla eat that bacon flavored popcorn?
Just like.
Remember that stuff?
Okay, we're getting sidetracked already.
We're 10 seconds in.
Oh, boy.
I had cheesecake today.
Just saying.
It wasn't Tom's.
It wasn't his.
So good.
Sorry.
We're going to try and keep it quick today and get right to the game.
Sure we are.
Fuck it, guys.
Let's play D&D.
Okay.
Look at that.
He was so tricky.
He just went.
He said it.
So Tom couldn't interrupt him.
I only interrupted him like two weeks in a row.
But now he's scared.
Now it's your thing.
And I have to watch out for guys like you.
It's not my thing.
My mother warned me about guys like you.
Mothers, lock up your sons.
Hey, did you guys remember that we're in a death maze?
Oh, right.
I had sort of forgotten until I sent Russ a message earlier about something.
And then he was like, we've got to plan some more death maze.
And I was like, oh, God, we're trying to solve a riddle and it's not working.
I mean, we're collecting stones or like precious.
I don't know.
Pearl is in a stone.
But you know what I mean?
Semi-precious items.
And so that's going great.
I don't think any of us have a single clue about how to move on.
But I listened to everything thinking like maybe it's really obvious from the outside
in, right?
Like I'm listening to it.
I'm like, I don't know what the fuck is going on.
No idea.
I mean, thank you.
No idea.
I did that too.
I totally listened thinking that.
Yeah.
I was like, oh, maybe that was been like a couple of weeks since we played.
Yeah.
Like maybe maybe something will spark.
And I was listening to it.
And I was like, nope, still doesn't make any fucking sense.
No, I think it's completely random.
I think it's legit a death mace trap.
I think we just have to keep going until we get all the stones and something magical
will happen.
I'll get my fucking owl back.
Easy, easy.
Deep breath.
Sorry.
I got upset re-listening to that episode.
I was uncomfortable listening to it because I remember seeing your face and then Russ's
like stone face next to you.
I know.
It's like, am I going to get it back?
Is guacamole just going to turn back into a jade serpentine and that my little serpentine
owl be lost forever?
What?
Anywho.
I don't know.
Anywho.
With all those big questions.
I guess that was our recap.
I guess so.
It got real and now we're back.
From weeks ago, Amy's still harboring this.
She probably just listened to it like yesterday, right?
Yeah.
It's true.
I did.
Okay.
So if you recall, you had defeated the garden, the garden riddle.
Well, if I defeated you mean ran away from, then yes.
Yes, it's true.
We did steal a pearl before we left.
You managed to get out, therefore defeated.
Okay.
Yeah, sure.
Right.
And then you ended up back in the sundial room to which somebody had a great idea
that you should go down, go down B, I believe, which brought you back to the sundial room.
And now the shadows are pointed at now.
I was trying to figure out a better way to do this because I feel like maybe you guys
are stuck on like the values of it, but I don't know a better way to do it.
So we're just going to keep going with it.
The shadows are pointed at the A, D and F.
Guys, we haven't been down this way and I point to the corner, which is F.
Let's, I don't want to wait in this room any longer.
I think we just need to keep going and get through here.
Let's give it a shot.
Hold on.
We're going down F?
Okay.
No, that's fine.
We can go down F.
What's F?
We can go down this way.
I mean, you said F.
So I assume you were just saying this like a fucking great way to go.
It is.
It's a fucking great way to go.
Let's get fucked.
Yeah, the fuck room.
All right, here we go.
Oh, boy, things have taken a turn.
Jesus, Flaming Kins pops in and it's just fucking aggressive immediately.
Aggressively sexual.
Either aggressively aggressive or aggressively sexual.
She doesn't really do anything part way.
She's really taking the mantle over from Thea on that one.
All of her t-shirts would be really inappropriate.
Or they'd be super cute because there would just be pictures of her.
Come on, Glass Houses, we do sell a t-shirt that has the word fuck on it, so let's not.
Okay.
Imagine a little green goblin and a door with a label on the door that just said fuck room.
Oh, you got Carla mid-drink.
That was great.
I almost died.
Oh, my God.
Can that be her next shirt?
So if you're drawing fan art, a little cute goblin beside a fuck room would probably be next.
Hold on.
We don't need to know what happens in the room.
A closed door.
Just a door.
Yeah, I don't want to see the room.
The mystery.
The mystery shades of Flaming Kins.
I don't want to yuck any goblin yum.
She can do whatever she wants.
But I don't want to see what's inside that fuck room.
It can be private.
Also, I think we all have a very good idea of what that room would look like and I'd
be horrified to see it for real.
Someone draw that out.
I mean, if somebody drew it, you're still entered in the contest.
It's true.
Be as explicit as you want, I guess.
Whatever you're comfortable with.
You knew you.
Yeah.
All right, so down the corner way then.
So you carry down and it takes you roughly minute, minute and a half and you enter into
an area where there's a placid pond that fills the center of this open space.
A stout pagoda rises from a huge boulder that stands in the water like an island.
An arch bridge crosses the water to the pagoda whose red roof is held up by six
sturdy pillars and capped with carved fish.
A human male wearing yellow silk robes embroidered with red and gold fish stands in the pagoda.
You hear exotic music being played on a stringed instrument.
The robed figure bows to you as you enter the area and he begins to walk into the
and sits down on a boulder where it protrudes from the floor of the pagoda.
Can I look?
So you said it's a placid lake that we see, so no movement in the water.
But it's not Lake Placid.
Oh God, I hope not.
The giant crocodile comes out of here, it's gonna be scary.
I start to walk up the bridge to talk to the man in the yellow robes and I say,
Excuse me, are you able to help us?
And I'm right behind her and I say, hey there, koi boy.
Is he koi?
Well, no, he's not like koi fish on his.
Do you say ahoy?
Oh, that's even better.
Ahoy koi boy.
We're a team.
As you step closer to the pagoda, you can see what's inside the pagoda and you
see where normally it would be wood, it's a rock garden of decorative stones and brushed
sand. A charcoal pit smolders beside the boulder where the man sits.
You ask him, but he does not speak and just looks like he's patiently staring at you.
He's a human?
Yep.
Did he react like he just, nothing, flat, no reaction?
He just has a polite smile on, but he's just looking at you, no reaction.
Do you understand common?
He doesn't respond to that.
I say that again in Celestial.
That's less majestic than I would have imagined.
Yeah, that's not quite how I pictured it.
That's like a god-like language, right?
Sort of fish-like, which seems appropriate for the setting.
Right.
He just remains seated on his boulder.
I approach him and I look at the smoldering coals he said were beside him.
Sure, so you've stepped into the pagoda?
Yes, I am in the pagoda.
I think we're going to pray.
That's what happens in a pagoda.
Oh, we're going to fight?
Maybe both.
We're going to crouch some tigers and hide some dragons?
Yep.
Is it just Thea stepping in or is anybody else coming with her or is everybody?
How big is the pagoda?
I know you said six pillars holding it up, so it must be pretty big, but.
15 feet by 15 feet.
So certainly big enough for all of us.
I clamber up on a stone and sit there.
Yeah, I will enter as well.
As everybody enters the pagoda,
the man gives a brief smile and proffers silk cushions to everybody.
That's so nice.
Is he using a silk cushion?
No, no, he's just seated on the boulder.
Then I refuse his offer and just sit down.
It's on the silk cushion.
Like I'm good and I just sit down.
Thea gives a little like a little bow as he did to us when we came up and I sit on it.
What color is my silk cushion?
Red with gold embroidery.
Is everyone's that color?
Yep.
Oh, OK, I sit on it.
I was going to trade these with someone if I thought there was a better color.
They all appear to be the same fabric.
So sorry, Flint was the only one who didn't take a cushion?
Yeah, I'm a dwarf.
I'm very used to sitting on stones.
Sure.
He looks at you and gives a kind of like an all right kind of look.
You'll get hemorrhoids sitting on cold stone like this.
That's what he's thinking inside.
It's well, it seems quite warm, so he then waves his hand
and an iron tea kettle rises up from beneath the embers.
The kettle resembles a scowling face with thick features.
Do I recognize his face?
Can I roll for like, I don't know, it'd probably be religion.
I'd say probably perception or arcana.
Maybe it's your long-lost mentor kettle face.
Oh, motherfucker.
Three plus eight.
Eleven.
You look at it and it doesn't jump out to you.
Is anybody else intrigued by the kettle as it rises from the embers?
Sure, sure.
Fourteen.
Nineteen.
Oh, well.
Well, you don't recognize it, Thea.
Nularaaaa and Flint, you recognize it at what may be a dale.
Dale.
Which is...
One day sale.
Which is an elemental creature.
Has to do with earth and stone.
The man pours a clear water from a clay jug into the kettle and adds tea leaves to it.
He bows to the kettle and appears to show great reverence to the vessel.
Then lowers his head in meditation.
Soon steam begins to rise from the kettle.
What kind of tea we having?
He appears to be deep in meditation.
Thea does a thing where like you look around like you're like,
the pagoda and the stone and the kettle.
Like when you're in the doctor's office and you don't have your phone and you just are like,
I've never looked so intensely at a small room before.
There's nothing to see in here.
Reading pamphlets.
Yeah, the weird posters they have about if you have sleep apnea or not.
And you've reread the one poster like seven times.
Yeah.
And then you're pretty sure you've got sleep apnea because you've read it so many times.
I mean, I came in here to talk about my headaches,
but I think I may have sleep apnea.
Is anybody else doing anything during this time?
I don't know.
Yeah, I don't know.
No, I don't think so.
I'm a bit gun shy to like do stuff.
It's off putting because he's not talking.
Yes.
I feel like the ball's in his court.
Like we have nothing to say or do.
It's like, OK, well, I guess this is we're literally waiting for water to boil here.
And guys, nobody look at the kettle.
A watched pot never boils.
That's a good point.
Pretty sure that's what we're waiting for.
I do have this set of dice that we could play an excellent dice game with.
I'm in.
Go for it.
As you begin to start playing your dice game,
Mackenzie's like, so how do you play this fucking game?
Oh, and I say, oh, this is the best game ever.
You basically.
And then the kettle starts boiling and it's like, oh, too, too late.
The steam begins to rise and fill the area of the pagoda.
Like there's there's lots of it coming out of this kettle.
As you begin talking about this dice game,
shooting up from the ground between the pillars, walls of stone enclose the pagoda, which begins
to trap the steam inside.
Guys, we're going on a vision quest.
We're hot boxing, y'all.
The man looks up and gives a brief smile and begins to sink into the boulder.
Once he disappears, you see a bright light jump inside the tea kettle.
Everybody make a constitution saving throw against poison.
Oh, I can't be poisoned.
And I'm resistant to poison.
I also rolled a 16, though, and plus my con is three.
So that's a 19.
I wasted a fucking 19 on something that can't even.
All right.
It's all right.
I got a 19 as well.
Copycat.
I have a plus four bonus, though, so it was only a 15.
16.
Does Thaddeus need to roll?
Yeah, everybody's got to roll.
Everybody's in there, which they both save.
As the walls shoot up with a huge and the man disappears, you breathe deep this steam
and it doesn't feel right.
All of you saved and those that can't be affected by poison aren't affected by poison,
but you get the feeling that it is something that is not beneficial to your health,
so to speak.
And Thaddeus walks over to where the man picked up the tea leaves,
who you now know is not a man, but perhaps a day himself.
And he looks at the tea leaves and he says,
well, this is Drake's war.
And it is potentially lethal to those of us who aren't poison savvy.
Roll for initiative.
We're going to fight steam.
Are we fighting the teapot?
Yeah, we are.
It's eight.
Is it short and stout?
24.
Show me where it's handle is.
I'm going to punch it in its spout.
Do great bedtime nursery rhymes.
New Laura, you're up first.
Okay, I guess.
So you are surrounded in a pagoda with steam,
stone walls, poisonous steam filling this room.
What do you do?
And it's coming from the kettle.
It's coming from the kettle.
Fucking murder that kettle, New Laura.
At the beginning of your turn, sorry,
you must make a constitution saving throw.
I'm so glad I don't have to do that, guys.
I'm not trying to be braggy.
I just run real shitty and be fucking dead.
Um, do you mean like that two I just rolled,
which will get me a four?
I believe it's a 20, Carla, two with a zero.
Yeah, let's raise zero on it.
Right.
Yeah.
So this is where I, this is where I die, guys.
So you, as you jump up and are trying to assess your situation,
you take 13 poison damage.
Oh shit.
Blap.
Does.
So you begin to cough and heave
as you're trying to evaluate what you should do next.
Oh goodness, but she still gets to do next, right?
Yeah, absolutely.
Is this magical damage or non-magical damage?
Is this magic steam or just poison steam?
Because I'm, I'm resistant if it's non-magical.
This is why I'm asking.
There's like a mask on my, on my armor.
Yes, it is non-magical.
So you would get half of that.
So seven, do we round up?
Six, round down.
Okay.
So I take some poison damage and then I'm going to,
fuck, I'm going to use my foot to try and kick the kettle off.
Is it floating?
It's floating, isn't it?
What's floating?
The kettle.
Sorry, the kettle?
Yeah.
The kettle is sitting in the embers at the moment.
Okay.
Then I am going to use my spear to try to like get it out
because if it stops steaming, it'll stop like infusing the air with poison, right?
That's logic.
Take away the heat source.
As you go to lift this, some spills out onto the embers themselves
and you notice that the face of the kettle,
you notice it's slightly animated and make a perception check.
24.
And you notice that its eyes are looking around the pagoda,
but you move it off of the embers and place it down.
Steam still begins to come out of the kettle.
What else is like sitting around?
Just rocks?
Just like giant boulders?
There is a single giant boulder and then the floor is like a rock garden,
decorative stones, smaller, you know.
But we have no access to the lake anymore, correct?
Because there's stone walls around the walls of the pagoda?
Totally closed off.
In the ceiling too?
Ceiling has its red roof.
Then I am going to ready an action because I still have another one.
So I will like, do I have to say what that is?
I've never readied an action before.
If you ready an action, it's an if and then.
So if something happens, then you do something.
So you need to set those terms.
If there becomes an enemy I can stab, I want to stab it.
Yeah, seems fair.
So before your next turn, if that happens, you will do that immediately.
So it stops everything and you do that action
and then it gets back into initiative order.
Donnie.
Oh, oh, this is perfect because I was going to ask someone to pee on the thing,
but instead I'm going to get Donnie to pee on the thing.
Nice.
I guess like, yeah.
This is like an episode 14 throwback when you asked if Donnie could pee on a statue.
Right? Yes.
Roll for pee.
This time it makes a little bit more sense because I'm trying to like,
it's I'm trying to like actually do something, not just be a dick.
Sure, roll to pee.
OK, what's my pee roll?
Make a dexterity roll.
OK, hey guys, Donnie rolled a 20 on his pee roll.
Yeah, he did.
He unleashes the most glorious of pees.
It's the first time.
It is a righteous stream.
Well.
What is it?
It was a 20, like a nat 20.
So actually a 22.
And I just want to remember this is the first time in game
that Donnie has peed since he has taken his new form.
He's peed on the show, like weirdly several times, more than anyone else.
OK, explain to me how Donnie's pee is so critical.
I don't know.
Well, I guess I do know he's really going to motivate some action here
when he pees on that kettle that has the face of the day on it.
I can't imagine that's going to do nothing.
I can see the tales are going to tell about it now.
And his righteous golden stream shot forth onto the face of the evil day.
OK, so he's peeing on the kettle.
OK, well, because the kettle's off the fire now.
So I don't need to care about putting the fire out.
Sure.
Yeah.
Donnie lets forth a righteous stream.
And it's like, you know, in Austin Powers, which is our other podcast,
Mike Meyer's movies, how he wakes up from cryo state and just lets forth
a righteous stream that just keeps going and going.
And then stops and everyone thinks he's done and then goes.
So now you have the issue of peeing onto a hot kettle
and pee steam coming up into the room.
Oh, is that? Oh, no.
And those that are paying attention to the kettle notice a deeper scowl
on the kettle itself and the smell of urine just permeating every single inch.
There's so much urine.
It was righteous in the closed room.
Oh, geez.
Sorry, I was supposed to make Donnie roll a Constitution saving throw as well.
Oh, that is a 12.
Yeah. So he's going to take 11 poison damage.
But yeah, then let's forth this stream of pee.
And now there's more pee vapor and there's still poison in the air.
But the steam is slowing out of the kettle.
Flint, make a Constitution saving throw, bud.
Way ahead of us.
17. Donnie looks at Flint and is like, beat that.
So you, sir, are going to take four for poison damage.
And I'm only going to take two of that because I'm resistant to poison.
OK, what are you going to do?
I am going to take my bed roll out of my adventuring pack.
Quickly open my canteen, douse it with water,
and then throw it on top of the peak of her kettle.
Thus smothering it with a wet blanket.
Our problem solving skills are amazing.
OK.
OK, so yeah, sure.
You don't need to roll anything for that.
So you douse your bed roll and throw it on top.
And it seems to smother the steam, but there's still steam in the air.
Are you doing anything else with your 12 other actions or are you good for now?
Can I pull out that fan that I was given and waft the steam away from people?
I knew it.
I knew that fan would come in handy.
The fan was going to save the day.
It was the best.
It just keeps coming in handy over and over.
So the entire room is filled with poison steam.
So yes, you can fan away.
It's a pretty big fan, if you recall.
Sure. Yeah, I get it.
So you're fanning.
So you douse your bedroll, you throw it on top of the kettle,
and then you begin just fanning the steam around,
which is like when somebody farts and you start fanning it.
I fan it away from people, Russ.
Away from people.
There's no windows or anything, though.
So where's the steam going?
There's six of you in a 15 by 15 room.
So yeah, there's lots of room for it to go away from us.
OK, sure. Yep.
OK, good.
Like I'm in front of Thaddeus blowing it away from him.
Yeah, OK, I got it.
OK, yeah, Thaddeus' turn.
He's got to make a Constitution saving throw.
I don't think he should have to,
since the steam is no longer in his face.
He's already taken a big breathful, though, so he's got to.
Or at least he should get advantage.
Your wrist.
Oh, he doesn't need advantage.
This is a 19.
So he's going to take four poison damage.
OK. And then he's going to get a turn.
Maybe if we were to.
Should he cast Fog Cloud and just add fog to this roost tapestry that we got going on?
There is fog, there's urine, there's poison.
Maybe if I were to like try to break our way out of here,
I don't know, that seems like it might be an idea.
No, no, I don't want us to keep fighting the kettle.
I don't have that idea.
If only one of us had an axe.
Doesn't ring a bell.
I have a ladder that turns into an axe.
He had a bedroll.
He had a bedroll in that moment.
He left his axe outside the pagoda.
That's right.
All right.
I am seeing a lot of spells for things that aren't going to help break through walls.
Nothing that can like portal a thing into somewhere else.
Oh, please, if he could have done that,
he could have got us into the fucking tower.
That's true.
Well, maybe that is really doesn't pull his weight
when it comes to coming up with plans, because, you know,
he's maybe he could ready his action.
What does this pass wall do, Russ?
Magic.
Wow.
Thank you for that.
Pass while allows you to pass through walls there, bud.
Passage appears at a point of choice that you can see on a wooden plaster or stone surface,
such as a wall, a ceiling, a floor within range and last for the duration.
Seems like a good choice.
That seems like a pretty good one.
Can more than one person enter through that passageway?
Yeah, it looks like you can go through it as long as it's open.
Interesting.
OK, yeah, he will he will cast pass wall on the wall.
Explain to me how that looks when he casts that spell.
He grabs a pinch of sesame seeds out of his spell component category,
which he usually keeps for when he's making stew and various other things,
you know, add a little texture into something.
And he mutters a few words under his breath.
And all of a sudden, there is a fucking hole in the wall.
Does he say open sesame?
That is why there's sesame seeds.
I'm 100 percent convinced.
Oh, God, that's why it's sesame seeds.
That's hilarious.
Open sesame.
So a hole is there.
Does he take any movement action or is that what he does?
He might as well make his way out.
Sure.
Thea, it's up.
It's your turn.
It's up to you.
Steam begins filtering out and up.
How close am I to the kettle?
You're within 10 feet of it.
OK, I go to the kettle and I peer inside.
I think there is like a gem or stone we need to get here.
So you lift the bedroll off of it, yes?
Oh, right.
Because there's a bedroll on top of it.
OK, I go to...
There's covered in pee.
Oh, God.
OK, first I go over to investigate the coals.
They appear to be burning embers.
Do I see any stones or anything inside the burning embers?
I know.
No.
Well, I mean, there's stones underneath.
I mean, like any precious gems like an emerald or a diamond.
You see nothing of the sort in the embers.
OK, I feel like there's something to solve here.
I take my, I don't know, my scimitar and I take off the bedroll from the thing
and I look inside the pot.
The top does not remove.
There's no...
Oh, what?
It does not come off.
There's a lid to it?
Does not come off.
And it doesn't come off?
No.
Why?
It looks at you and scowls more.
I scowl back at it.
Fine.
I say, hey, Flint, can I borrow your axe?
Sure, yeah.
I toss her the axe.
I imagine it's like this.
Make a dexterity saving throw.
Do you really have to toss it at me?
Well, I like underhand it to you.
Well, you underhanded.
It's probably going to chop off my foot.
Dexterity check.
Yeah, so you stumble with it because, you know, you've never...
I don't know if you've ever actually held his axe.
No, I doubt it.
So, I mean, the weight of it throws you off a little bit
and you kind of stumble back.
What are you doing with his axe?
I want to hit this thing.
We haven't actually tried to harm it.
You know, just want to see.
Steve, all hell breaks loose.
Make an attack roll, press strength.
I don't know if you have proficiency with...
I do not have proficiency with it.
No.
You can turn it into a sword if you'd prefer a sword.
Oh, sorry, did you throw your axe axe or your Rod of Lordly Might?
Because that's attuned to you.
Oh, well, then I'll just give her the giant axe,
which is why she would stumble with it.
That makes more sense.
Yeah.
16 plus strength.
18.
OK, you connect with it.
Roll damage.
I don't know.
What is the damage for an axe?
That axe was 2d12 plus seven.
I don't think I get the plus.
You get 2d12 plus two.
It was a real beast.
I rolled a 12.
Excellent.
And a three, so it's 15 plus two.
Yeah.
17.
You heave down with this huge axe and it cracks open,
and you see a bright light shoot out of this kettle.
The walls immediately drop with a huge
and up from the ground rises a huge stone dayo
who looks very scowly, not like the man you just saw,
who was quite pleasant.
Before he tried to kill us.
Right?
And on the ground in the kettle is, in fact, a jade gemstone.
Can I grab it?
Sitting in the rubble of the teapot.
Not before you're going to get swung at by a big dayo.
But I get to stab it first, right?
Yeah, you do.
You sure do.
Way to have your action ready.
So rising up from the ground,
more or less in front of you because it's not a huge area.
Yeah, you can strike out at the dayo.
I imagine, does Thaddeus turn around when the walls come down like, well.
Spell slot.
Like, oh, god, fuck.
That's a 15.
It glances off its arm and does not do any damage.
Seems legit.
It is a giant stone elemental.
And I yell, sorry, you guys, I had to.
And the dayo with the scowl on swings at you with its maul
Twicely.
Twings at me?
Yeah, because you broke its thing.
First one for a 12.
Second one for an 18.
It's a lot of sound effects with that maul.
Yeah, I'm trying to I'm trying to just keep the action going here.
It's 28 bludgeoning damage.
Son of a bitch.
Jesus.
Hey there.
I'm your dungeon master, Ross More.
Thank you for joining us for episode 51 of Dumbgeons and Dragons.
Come for the maze, stay for the tea.
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The sorry 2828 bludgeoning damage.
And this is like I'm pretty sure he said 2.8.
This is a this is a large elemental.
So he stands seems like five or eight feet taller than you.
Like he is huge.
Flamikins Kins is up next.
Then she's like, well, fuck, that's weird shit, guys.
Um, you know, I did bring it on myself.
Oh, guys, I don't know.
I'm going to I'm going to try and cast Maximillian's Earthen Grasp.
Oh, ground, do what you got to do.
And I hold this hand sculpted thing and a five foot square right beside the do.
You can see a medium hand made from compacted soil and stone rises
and reaches for the creature, and it must make a strength saving throw.
I bet it's pretty strong.
It probably is really bad strength guys didn't roll really well.
That's in that's a 10, which I think fails, but sure does.
So it's going to take two d six bludgeoning damage and be restrained.
Oh, yeah.
Restraint is good.
So that's going to be nine bludgeoning damage.
OK, and then it is back to Nulara.
Sweet.
I am going to use a bonus action to cast ensnaring strike.
That only means something happens if I then hit this creature with my attack.
So I'm going to attack it with my sword.
Yep.
That is a 25 that will hit it.
And you have advantage because it's restrained.
So even if.
So that is 20 damage.
Oh, and then something else happens with that spell.
OK, are you going to tell us what it is?
I like that this is all broken down into stages.
Hey, I'm trying new things.
I'm ready.
No, I like it.
I'm casting bonus actions.
It's like I'm actually trying to play Dumbgeons and Dragons, you guys.
It's crazy.
You nail it.
I like it.
I love it.
Oh, well.
Does it get locked in place now?
He's restrained.
Yeah, double restrained, but he's now he's double secret restrained.
So does he have to double restrained twice to break out?
Sorry.
Is there any it just happens if on a strike or is there any saving throw for it?
He has to succeed on a strength savings throw.
Immediately or on his turn?
I think next time, Riding Mass of Thorny Vines appears at the point of impact.
Target must succeed on a strength saving throw or be restrained by magical vines until
the spell ends.
So that's going to be a 15, which would be your spell saved against your Spell
Save DC top of your spells page.
Yep, let's.
Yep, 15.
So he's still restrained, but there's just not by you, but not double restrained.
Yeah, not double restrained.
There are some vines that appeared and then shriveled away when he fLexed, I guess.
But that's OK.
I still get to attack him again.
So all is lost.
Is it just on a single attack or is it like a duration effect?
I think it is just.
What was the spell, sorry?
In snaring strike bonus action concentration up to a minute.
So you can keep going on it as long as you're concentrating on it.
So just not casting another concentration spell.
So every attack you make will have that effect as well.
OK, well, it'll just get smothered in vines by the end.
Worst case, it'll just be surrounded by them.
That is a 20 on my second attack.
So that is 7 plus 6 is 13 damage.
The in snaring strike is a 13 this time.
Oh, so then he is now double secret restrained.
Double secret restrained.
He's got some vines on him, too.
All right.
Donnie is going to go.
Donnie, I can't remember if he recharged, so I'll roll because I didn't write it down.
I mean, I did, but it's like four pages back in notes.
So he's going to he rolled a six, so he redid it anyway.
He is going to go with weakening breath.
I sounded confident, right?
I feel like I feel like fire isn't the best bet against this stone guy.
That's all I was thinking.
Well, yeah, weaken him.
He has to succeed on a DC 13 strength saving throw
or have disadvantage on strength based attack rolls,
strength checks and strength savings throws for one minute.
That's a natural 20.
Whoa.
OK, I know all that.
Jesus.
Well, I tried.
So Donnie lets forth his weakening breath.
What is his weakening breath look like?
It's just like it's like wavy way back lines,
but, you know, straight like, you know, the ones, you know, wavy lines.
So as the day is pulling at the ground and the vines that are holding it down,
it's like fighting against these these wavy lines now,
but manages to fight those off.
Flint, you're up.
You have advantage on attacks.
Well, in that case, I might as well attack.
Otherwise, you were going to try.
I was just going to I was going to wet some more blankets
and throw them on top of them.
So I thought it was a good idea, guys.
I thought it was a good idea.
First one is a 22.
So that should hit.
Why are you being all sassy about it?
That is nine plus.
What do I add again here?
Seven.
There we go.
Sixteen damage on the first one.
Yeah.
OK.
It's a 22 on the second one.
So we'll roll more damage.
That's seven plus seven.
So that's 14.
And 19 on the third attack.
That still hits.
And a full 10 plus seven is 17.
Oh, yeah.
OK, so Stone begins to chip off of his exteriors.
You're hacking at.
Damn right it does.
Thaddeus is up and slightly out of the pagoda.
Are you staying in position?
Are you moving or I guess you don't want to move?
I mean, I might as well just stay where I am.
Yeah, sure.
Thaddeus hasn't noticed that anything is happening yet.
Is he is he facing looking at like, I got us.
I did this and behind him.
He's just enjoying a big, deep breath of fresh air.
Yeah, I'm so excited he's not breathing the pee air anymore.
He is going to throw some magic missiles back in through his open doorway.
Sure.
And there is no open doorway.
It's yeah, there's no way.
I guess not anymore.
Yeah.
Way to ruin my funds.
Yeah.
Thanks for ruining my funds.
Yeah.
I'm well, I won.
I thought you were supposed to be the wet blanket.
No, I blame Russ for ruining my fund.
Oh, Russ is the wet blanket.
Yeah, true.
He rolled a 19 before any bonuses, so I'm pretty sure he's good.
Yeah, you're fine.
Sorry.
What does he do?
Any magic?
Oh, magic just hits, dude.
Oh, right.
We discussed that last time.
It's magic.
Yeah.
OK, so that's three and four is seven and two is nine damage.
Yeah, take it.
Yeah.
It's my turn.
Yeah.
Thea is going to cast Eldritch Blast, and since so it says ranged spell attack,
I have to roll, right?
Yeah, but you have advantage.
I do.
Thank God.
I know I need it.
That's an 11 plus eight, 19.
With advantage.
Yeah, you might get a crit on your next one.
Oh, you're right.
I'm just always always roll both if you have the option.
Not 16.
Nine.
Well, 19 is your high, so that hits.
OK, so I'm going to create a crackling, three crackling energy streaks,
and I'm going to aim it right into the middle of this big rocky bastard,
and he's going to get three D10 force damage.
Nice.
Yeah.
There it is.
Let's see.
Where's my dice?
Do me right, dice.
Come on.
You did me right.
OK, the nine and nine is 18 plus two is 20.
There you go.
Nice.
20 damage.
Wow.
Right?
You did damage.
I did damage.
You done good.
You know what that was?
That was a cantrip.
No spell thoughts wasted.
Eldritch Blast is an awesome one.
It really is.
I'm really happy that I that I chose that.
It's good because it like levels up as you level, which is wicked sauce.
It does.
Next time at 17th level, I get four beams.
Yeah, you can direct them all at one or all at different targets.
If that's fun.
So, yeah, you it rocks are shooting off of it.
And then as that happens, you hold on.
I also sneak down and I pick up the gem because you didn't let me last time.
I didn't because your turn was over.
Well, yeah, I I sneakily pick it up and pocket it.
Yeah, the ground beneath the day begins to like create a wave and it moves out
and he gets sucked into it and up right in front of Thea.
Tricky, tricky escaping and swings his maul down for a 25 and a 26 to attack.
I'm going to die.
You got this.
You're fine.
How can he do that if he was restrained?
Because he like sucks back into the earth out of the vines.
He's no longer.
He went like underneath and moved all the ground.
So Maximilian's earth and grass was like and the vines disappeared.
Seems shady magic.
First one is 16 bludgeoning damage.
Second one is 26 bludgeoning damage as the maul crunches down once and then crunches down again.
Make a strength saving throw.
Oh, my God.
Guys, I'm at 16 hit points isn't good.
12, 13.
You are knocked prone.
I want to use my inspiration to reroll.
I mean, you're supposed to do that before I tell you whether you do it.
But I'll let you do it.
That's fine.
I knew it wasn't going to be good.
Well, then you always use your inspiration.
Are you speaking Celestial DeRosa right now?
21.
OK, so you're not knocked prone, but you almost were.
But you took two huge crunches.
The Deo glides 20 feet to the edge of this island that's in this pool here.
And it's Flamekin's turn.
Stones are not my forte being a pirate.
Don't let him get away, Flamekins.
Don't let him get away.
OK, well, I can cast a big gust of wind.
What do we think about that?
Dude, you got a good girl.
I'm going to fucking try it.
OK, I don't know if it's going to hold on.
Is that going to be good?
Yeah, sure.
Oh, that's not going to be good.
OK, harmless.
You create a harmless sensory effect using air such as causing leaves to rustle.
Maybe I won't do that, guys.
But those leaves can be real scary.
Rustling leaves.
I'm out of third level spell slots, so that's not going to be good.
Flamekins can't.
I don't know.
Oh, fuck yeah.
Can you throw something at him?
Do you have a sword?
Do you have some arrows?
Oh, yeah, I got arrows.
Sometimes it's not all about magic, Flamekins.
I'm going to shoot my light crossbow at it.
That's going to be 19.
That'll hit.
For 10 piercing damage.
You're doing it all in Flamekin's voice.
That's very interesting.
Hmm.
She is in game and out of game.
She's everywhere.
I don't even know where rust stops and Flamekins begins.
I love that you say Flamekins.
That's just how I like to say it.
The crossbow bolt wedges into a cracked joint that was created by Flint's hammering
and shoots off a huge stone off this thing's side.
Nulara.
How far away is it from me?
Oh, I guess it can't be that far.
It's like 20.
20 feet tops.
Well, then I'm going to go and stab it.
Do it.
Stab it.
Kill it for me, Nulara.
19.
18 damage.
Tell me what happens when you kill the Dale.
I think that I saw where Flamekins like that there was a spot, you know,
a weakening spot.
So that is where I aim with the Dragon Slayer.
So I guess I stab him in the kidney.
The kidney stone.
There's some kind of joke here, guys.
So you take a running start at this and we'll say it sees you coming
and begins to swing its maul but you slide underneath and just jab in with your sword
and then it looks down at you with a deep hurt scowl and then explodes.
Rock dust everywhere.
Raining down along the Pagoda Island.
I slow clap and I reach into my bag and I take ruby dust between my fingers
and put it on my cheeks and mutter an incantation.
What's the incantation?
Everybody's muttering lots of things.
What's the incantation?
It fucking hurts.
And I heal 70 hit points.
70? What the fuck did you use?
I healed, I used a sixth level spell called Heal where I choose a creature
in a surge of positive energy washes through me causing me to regain 70 hit points.
It also ends blindness, deafness, and any other diseases affected by the target.
Well, I mean you could have been blinded.
There were some big heavy hits.
I stand up and I brush myself off like kind of embarrassed.
I almost died.
Like, well that was shitty.
Okay, let's go.
And you see the doorway open up leading into a pathway beyond this area that you're in.
I reach into my pocket and I take out the what kind of stone was it again?
Jade? Jade gemstone.
And I have like a little like oh and I put it back in my pocket
because jade my serpentine into my owl.
Get it together.
Oh my god, I'm sorry.
We got to get out of here to get your owl back.
Jesus.
So you begin walking down the pathway and you enter back into the sundial room
where the sundial shadows are remaining to be pointed at A, D, and F.
Holy fuck.
We're gonna be in here forever.
Music in today's episode was by Kavin McLeod of incompetech.filmmusic.io
Uh, this is um, this is not, this is not tea guys.
This is uh, where the fuck did the thing go?
Shit.
Where's all my dice that I gotta roll?
We're off to my mine.
They don't roll real good.
Yeah, they're real good.
Use Amy's when you attack us.
Russ, just use Amy's.
You should use Amy's.
Just use Amy's, Russ.
Where'd my dice go?
Amy's, Amy hid them on you so you'd have to use hers.
Is he bigger or smaller than Ben Grimm?
Who's his name?
Ben Grimm?
Yep.
I don't actually know how tall he is.
I just wanted to say a comic book thing.
Oh.
How'd I do?
Tom, did I get it right?
Yeah, you totally got it right.
His name is Ben Grimm.
Oh, the thing.
I get it.
Come on, Russ.
It's a giant rock, man.
I missed it.
I was busy destroying Theo over here.
That's true.
Couldn't remember if it was 13 or 16.
Did you break my chair?
No, I broke my arm.
Oh, no.
This is not the chair.
Please tell me the chair's OK.
Not the IKEA chair.
I put together one of these backwards the first time.
I almost threw it through the fucking window.
It was so mad.
I did the rest, I think.
Yeah, it was real mad.
Guys, I'm out of rum.
I'm getting kind of surly.
I mean, a little bit.
I'm doing it.
Russ is web blunted.
I need a second rum.
Let's go.
And you see an opening open up.
That's a terrible way to describe it.
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